[ snake knows how to render him vulnerable, stripping metal down until he reaches that bare, human heart. raiden feels like a boy again. a bumbling "rookie" who wanted to be useful and special in his eyes. the broken shell of a man who laid at his feet and cried. it comes back to him in a rush, overwhelming for a second while his fingers flex and his eye raises to him.
one of his hands moves to fiddle with the bandana strapped across his face. ]
You wanted me to go back... and not waste my youth. I wanted to listen to you... I wanted to be that man. The one who could spend the rest of his life with his family in peace... someone honorable. I...I wanted to heal...and I know you wanted me to, too.
But I couldn't. There's a fucked up little boy in there who still enjoys tearing people to shreds. Jack the Ripper. He won't leave me alone — and I can't shut him out anymore.
[ a pause as he sets his hands against his knees. ]
I wanted to protect the future you fought for. But I couldn't. The war economy... it's humming right back to life with more bravado than ever. I have to stop it. Not just for you and Sunny, but for the millions of people out there living just like I did.
[ the laugh that escapes him is wry and bitter — it's subdued with sorrow, though. ]
All this time, I thought that you'd be disappointed in me. I kept looking for you in everything and everywhere. All of the things you told me to do...I couldn't. And the world — it wasn't the same after you left. I went back to PMCs because there wasn't a place for a cyborg...or, I suppose, a monster like me. After everything I'd seen and been through, I still went back... it was like I forgot all over again. Then I remembered... and I couldn't forgive myself for that.
This is who I am, Snake. Who I really am. I don't know if I can change anything at the end of the day...but I know what I have to do — whether it makes me a bad guy or not.
[ snake gives him a good once over. listens. he hears the twinges of pain in raiden's voice, but he hears something else, too. the legend of solid snake looms over people, always there. he can't quite see the opal slope of his face, can't quite decipher every emotion passing through his eyes and the twitches in his face, but he picks up on the nuance of it all; that perhaps snake had placed too much on raiden's shoulders.
but he knows, too, that the man who had collapsed, arms wound 'round his ankles like a child, deserved to live, and to choose whatever life he wanted.
he's quiet. he listens. snake doesn't move a hair out of place, only blinking as raiden unloads. ]
That's your choice? [ it's a question he poses, a moment after consideration, of breaking down his own guilt and fears. it is not that raiden has disappointed him; only that snake has been unable to prevent this. unable to see this man through, to his complete freedom.
but if it is a choice he makes, to chain the beast within him to his beliefs and what he wants for the future— his future— that, too, is a worthwhile choice. ]
[ when raiden raises his head, this time it’s with a certainty, an unyielding kind of hardness he has never shown snake before. raiden was not solid snake. he was not his shadow nor was he his subordinate, the one he would order back home and walk away from time and time again. ]
Yeah. [ his voice is firm when he speaks. ] Mine and mine alone.
[ he's changed. he's strong, and stronger than snake could have hoped to see from him. it'd weasel a smile out of him, but he's not that kind of man. instead, snake shakes his head. ]
You've got it wrong. There's no certainty in the future. What we have is the ability to fight, or to obey. Raiden, you said it before. Freeing me was freeing yourself. The ability to choose is a form of freedom, one people rarely find or define for themselves. You deserved it. A chance to choose. [ he's quiet for a moment, holds raiden's gaze. it's unflinching, the look you give someone who understands you.
he would have chosen the same path. this is the future, and raiden is protecting it. it may not have been the easiest path... but it's the one that snake knows is most logical. he said before that he would start his own fire; raiden carries the torch. ]
[ it’s strange — to hear snake speak to him as a man instead of a boy. he’d sought so desperately to be his equal. and he was, in his own way, but snake...solid snake would always stand at a distance, chivalrous and kind and cold as he left raiden behind.
he doesn’t need him anymore. it’s true. but this flutter of warmth in his chest, it’s made him feel more alive than he’s been in years. ]
Snake. [ a beat. he does not break eye contact. ] You don’t need to worry about me anymore. I want to live — and I plan on it.
But this time, when you go... let me come with you.
[ he should say something like "that's my line," but they both know it isn't. it isn't snake who hasn't seen raiden for five years.
so snake holds out his fist, only a moment after raiden claps a hand on his shoulder. it's a familiar sensation of gears and metal, bolts and nuts against the fabric of his black turtleneck. c'mon, you can't leave an old man hanging. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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one of his hands moves to fiddle with the bandana strapped across his face. ]
You wanted me to go back... and not waste my youth. I wanted to listen to you... I wanted to be that man. The one who could spend the rest of his life with his family in peace... someone honorable. I...I wanted to heal...and I know you wanted me to, too.
But I couldn't. There's a fucked up little boy in there who still enjoys tearing people to shreds. Jack the Ripper. He won't leave me alone — and I can't shut him out anymore.
[ a pause as he sets his hands against his knees. ]
I wanted to protect the future you fought for. But I couldn't. The war economy... it's humming right back to life with more bravado than ever. I have to stop it. Not just for you and Sunny, but for the millions of people out there living just like I did.
[ the laugh that escapes him is wry and bitter — it's subdued with sorrow, though. ]
All this time, I thought that you'd be disappointed in me. I kept looking for you in everything and everywhere. All of the things you told me to do...I couldn't. And the world — it wasn't the same after you left. I went back to PMCs because there wasn't a place for a cyborg...or, I suppose, a monster like me. After everything I'd seen and been through, I still went back... it was like I forgot all over again. Then I remembered... and I couldn't forgive myself for that.
This is who I am, Snake. Who I really am. I don't know if I can change anything at the end of the day...but I know what I have to do — whether it makes me a bad guy or not.
no subject
but he knows, too, that the man who had collapsed, arms wound 'round his ankles like a child, deserved to live, and to choose whatever life he wanted.
he's quiet. he listens. snake doesn't move a hair out of place, only blinking as raiden unloads. ]
That's your choice? [ it's a question he poses, a moment after consideration, of breaking down his own guilt and fears. it is not that raiden has disappointed him; only that snake has been unable to prevent this. unable to see this man through, to his complete freedom.
but if it is a choice he makes, to chain the beast within him to his beliefs and what he wants for the future— his future— that, too, is a worthwhile choice. ]
no subject
Yeah. [ his voice is firm when he speaks. ] Mine and mine alone.
no subject
You've got it wrong. There's no certainty in the future. What we have is the ability to fight, or to obey. Raiden, you said it before. Freeing me was freeing yourself. The ability to choose is a form of freedom, one people rarely find or define for themselves. You deserved it. A chance to choose. [ he's quiet for a moment, holds raiden's gaze. it's unflinching, the look you give someone who understands you.
he would have chosen the same path. this is the future, and raiden is protecting it. it may not have been the easiest path... but it's the one that snake knows is most logical. he said before that he would start his own fire; raiden carries the torch. ]
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he doesn’t need him anymore. it’s true. but this flutter of warmth in his chest, it’s made him feel more alive than he’s been in years. ]
Snake. [ a beat. he does not break eye contact. ] You don’t need to worry about me anymore. I want to live — and I plan on it.
But this time, when you go... let me come with you.
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in any case, he chooses not to mention he's in the next room. ]
When you're done, then you can rest.
[ so he shakes his head, gaze downcast to the floorboards again. ] You have a fight to continue. Can't let you clock out early, can I?
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‘Course not. I told you I wouldn’t die. Besides, I promised Sunny I’d bring her souvenirs back.
...Snake. [ he reaches his hand over...and clasps his shoulder. ] I’m always going to have your back.
[ and in a softer, meeker tone— ]
...It’s good — to see you again.
no subject
so snake holds out his fist, only a moment after raiden claps a hand on his shoulder. it's a familiar sensation of gears and metal, bolts and nuts against the fabric of his black turtleneck. c'mon, you can't leave an old man hanging. ]